Adult Movie Nights: The Best Late Night You Can Have

Are you gearing up for another night in front of the television with your partner? A documentary, a sitcom or a movie you have been waiting to see. It’s all very normal, very plain and very likely to kill the passion. You have probably done it a thousand times, watched your shows, stayed up too late, gotten extremely tired and then popped off to bed with barely a kiss goodnight. Well it’s time for a change, it’s time to put some spark back into your nightly, or even daily, routine. It’s time to watch something a little different.

Women can watch too.

We all know that the majority of men like to watch adult movies or to put it more bluntly, porn. There are not many women out there who haven’t ‘busted’ their man at some stage enjoying the visual delights of the adult movie. And now with so much adult content to view online it is an inescapable pastime. And why not? If all adults are consenting and no one is getting hurt, for real, then why shouldn’t people go ahead and enjoy a film based entirely on sex and naked bodies? There are plenty of women out there who enjoy an adult film too, some might not like to admit it, but it’s not only the men whose brains are hard wired to be sexually stimulated visually. If you are a woman who hasn’t tried watching an adult movie yet then maybe it’s time. And if you are a woman who does like to watch, then maybe it’s time to share the advice with friends. Many a fun time has been had after watching a bit of hanky panky on the tv and this can only make for a more interesting night in front of the telly. Adult DVDs can inspire some great party ideas for adults to play together.

Watch, interact and re-enact.

Watching an adult DVD with your partner doesn’t need to be embarrassing. If you find it is a little then try a different spin on it. Think of it as educational; think of it as a bit of a laugh. In all situations, don’t take it too seriously and don’t be offended. Have an open mind and look at what you are watching for what it is, SEX. No need for analyzing, it is what it is. A great way to get a lot out of watching an adult DVD is by discussing what you are watching. You could ask your partner in your sexiest voice if they might like to try what they see. If they do, go ahead and play it out, it could be more fun and more rewarding than what you think.

You can add more spice to your adult movie night with the help of toys, lingerie and lotions. Access your goodies from adult party plans and get ready for a night of tv that involves more than hand holding.

Is Frequenting Adult Websites Infidelity?

Is viewing adult web sites a form of infidelity if you are married? Or is it a relatively harmless diversion for broad-minded people? Does spending time in fantasy encounters or engaging in behavior of an imaginary nature no different than a one-night stand or a long-term love affair make you a cheating spouse? Does the absence of an actual, physical partner make this behavior more acceptable? Could the use of adult web sites be a sign not only of infidelity but a of other personal and marital problems?

Before the Internet and other digital technologies, obtaining and viewing adult material was largely a fringe activity, pursued discreetly in movie theaters and bookstores, or via mail order. While magazines featuring women and men in various stages of undress have been available on newsstands and by subscription since the 1950’s, today’s Internet delivers an inexhaustible volume of far more explicit material catering to every conceivable taste within a few keystrokes, usually at little or no cost. Addiction or use of adult websites is now cited as a reason for irreconcilable differences in divorce proceedings.

There are several reasons why adult website use is a form of infidelity:

First, the sharing of your desire and affection outside of marriage is wrong – even if the objects of your desire don’t actually exist. The simple act of coveting someone not your spouse, which is inherent in adult visual stimulation, should give pause to those who hold traditional religious views.

Second, the very act of secrecy makes it wrong. There are certainly areas of a married person’s life which remain personal, such as unspoken thoughts, avocations, even friendships. But would you be embarrassed by sharing your hobbies with your spouse, or introducing your spouse to your friends? Unless you and your spouse share adult material together, which some might consider open-minded and others a symptom of dysfunction, your use of adult websites is probably not something you would be pleased to have your spouse know.

Third, how likely is it that you will stop at imaginary relationships and pursue the real thing? Adult websites, like other ‘slippery slopes’, can serve as a ‘gateway drug’ for infidelity. Like the flirtatious ‘dinner date’ with a co-worker you don’t mention to your spouse or hanging out regularly in strip clubs, placing yourself in situations where unfaithfulness is easy increases the risk of temptation.

Finally, adult website use is a more insidious in the damage it does to your marriage and yourself. Immersion in fantasy worlds of any kind for long periods of time is unhealthy. The same could be said of people obsessed with the lives of movie stars and celebrities. But imaginary romantic and physical encounters de-personalizes intimacy and sets unreal expectations for appearance and intimate performance. Movies, adult or not, are not real and the characters depicted are stylized. Adult websites set weird and unreal physical and behavioral standards which are impossible, and not necessarily desirable, to achieve in real life.

Worse, like any drug addiction, frequenting adult web sites set ever higher thresholds for satisfaction. Addicts lose interest in real intimacy and genuine relationships, which come with their own real-world complexities and imperfections. While you’re engaging in fantasy, the rich, complex personality of your partner is obscured. While you’re sharing your fantasy man or woman with millions of other partners around the world, you’re losing precious time exploring and enjoying the unique person you married.

If you find yourself deriving intimate satisfaction outside your marriage through use of adult websites, you are a cheating spouse. If you want to halt the damage you are doing to yourself and your marriage, there are resources, such as books and counseling that can put you on the road to recovery.

Movies as Healing Journeys

When I first heard the idea that movies could offer insight into life’s problems – into some of my problems – I found the idea far fetched. The idea behind this concept is that people can be so caught up wrestling with their issues — dysfunctional relationships, bad choices in life, addictions, struggles to resolve childhood problems – that perspective is lost. It’s the old idea that we can spot solutions to others problems, while we aren’t able to clearly see or understand how to resolve our own.

Watching certain movies, we can see how others deal with difficult problems or issues.

Someone watching A Beautiful Mind can learn about the disease of schizophrenia and how it impacts individuals, families, co-workers, and friends.

Someone dealing with abandonment could watch This Boy’s Life, Kramer Vs. Kramer, or To Kill a Mockingbird.

Someone dealing with being with family over the holidays could watch Rocket Gibraltar and come to an understanding of why going home for the holidays as an adult can be so difficult. In this movie, adult children revert to childhood roles.

People struggling with the concept of denial could watch the Accidental Tourist or When a Man Loves a Woman.

I was introduced to this idea of Hollywood movies offering healing messages by a therapist, Dr. Gary Solomon, who wrote a book, The Motion Picture Prescription, followed by Reel Therapy. As a proofreader of the original manuscript for Motion Picture Prescription, and as someone who underwent therapy with Dr. Solomon, I have first hand experience in how this process work. In this article, I’ll be mentioning some of the issues that I confronted in therapy and how watching movies helped me to deal with them.

For myself, I found that the underlying dynamic of using movies to gain healing insights sprang from the fact that while I typically shield myself from the effect of painful or difficult problems, when I watch a movie, I relax and let in ideas and feelings, even ideas and feelings I would normally resist, reject or deny.

One of my major issues when I started therapy revolved around being a fixer. I couldn’t understand why someone I was helping in a relationship was angry. Dr. Solomon suggested I watch the movie When a Man Loves a Woman, with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. In the story, Ryan is a lively personality who brings excitement to the life of quiet, thoughtful Garcia. When the drinking that fuels her fun personality becomes life-threatening, they have to deal with her alcoholism. She goes into treatment. When she returns, there’s a scene where Ryan’s children are squabbling. Ryan is dealing with the situation when Garcia shows up. He basically announces, ‘I’m the healthy person here; will the recovering alcoholic please step aside so I can fix this problem.’

I then saw why my girlfriend was angry. To satisfy my need to ‘fix’ her and feel good about myself, I needed her to not be able deal with her own problems. I wasn’t giving her the time to find – and be responsible for – her own solutions.

I could only ‘see’ this dynamic when I watched this movie. I simply could not understand this concept when it was explained to me. I had developed a powerful self-image that revolved around ‘fixing’ others. When I saw the truth of what I was doing – and why — mirrored back to me in a movie, I didn’t block out the message, and I could begin to deal with the underlying issue of resolving my own problems instead of avoiding them by helping others.

Another issue I couldn’t understand about myself was how some people responded to my esoteric sense of humor. For many years, good friends had asked me to understand how people who didn’t know me interpreted my sense of humor. I shrugged their advice off. Then Gary had me watch a film called The Men’s Club, about a group of men who decide to imitate a women’s support group to see what happens. The idea of the club is sabotaged by a man who can’t deal with his feelings. He masks this by suggesting the men go to a bordello instead of talking about their feelings. The character I was asked to pay attention to was someone in the group who generally stayed in the background making esoteric, off-the-wall remarks. Remarks that often made no sense whatsoever.

The same kind of remarks I enjoyed making.

I could finally ‘see’ what I looked like, and I didn’t like it at all. This realization had a potent effect on me. Since that time, I try to introduce myself to people who don’t know me in a straightforward manner before indulging my sense of humor and making esoteric remarks that made no sense to others.

A third movie Dr. Solomon recommended I watch was Drop Dead Fred. This film took me into more painful territory I didn’t want to explore. In therapy, when Dr. Solomon would try and probe where I put my anger, I would not be able to hear him, even though I knew he was talking to me. Even when I re-listened to tapes of those sessions, I could not ‘hear’ those questions. I had some serious body/mind armor protecting me from dealing with anger.

So Dr. Solomon recommended I watch Drop Dead Fred. In the film, a young woman is abandoned by her husband. She returns home to live with her mother and reverts to a more childish, dependent personality. When she returns home, she also finds someone she left behind long ago, Drop Dead Fred, her imaginary playmate. Drop Dead Fred is more than an imaginary playmate, however. When she was a little girl, Fred acted out her anger toward her overbearing mother. While she silently stewed, Fred would smear animal excrement all over the mother’s beautiful white carpets, etc.

When the young woman again decides to be an adult and be responsible for her own decisions, Drop Dead Fred disappears. She has no place for him in her adult life.

I never had an imaginary playmate raining ruin on the people I was angry with, but the whole concept of displaced anger made me extremely uncomfortable. I came to realize that in my life I’d swallowed a significant chunk of my anger with large doses of sugar, salt and fatty foods. The movie helped me come to grips with what happens when I repress anger instead of processing my feelings.

This issue of imaginary friends became a topic of discussion between myself and Dr. Solomon when I was proof-reading Motion Picture Prescription. He insisted that in the movie Harvey, Harvey is an IMAGINARY rabbit. I insisted Harvey is an INVISIBLE rabbit. Dr. Solomon noted our disagreement in his book. I’m sure anyone who watches the movie will agree with me that Harvey is INVISIBLE, not IMAGINARY. I assume Dr. Solomon has some deep-rooted, unresolved issues around invisible rabbits.

Each of Dr. Solomon’s books, The Motion Picture Prescription and Reel Therapy, have indexes that cross reference movies by title and healing messages. While some films focus on one topic, alcoholism, for example, another movie might touch on several issues, being raised by an abusive parent, alcoholism, co-dependency. The basic topics covered in Motion Picture Prescription are: Abandonment, abuse, adoption, alcohol, cop-dependency, death/dying, denial, divorce, drugs, family, food, friends, gambling, mental illness, relationships, sex/sexuality.

I’m not suggesting this method is an easy cure all to life’s problems. I wrestle daily with many of the issues I took into therapy. I just recognize what I’m wrestling with now. That helps me make better choices; or, if I still make bad choices, at least I can recognize what I’m doing and change course.

I believe in this process not only because it helped me, but because so many people in the world will never be able to afford therapy. Most people, however, can afford to rent movies that, along with a guide like Dr. Solomon’s, will provide them some healing insight into their lives and struggles.

There’s also a very practical benefit to this concept. Screenwriters can use the understanding they gain from movies with therapeutic messages to build stronger, more believable characters and plots.